Now's The Time

I can hear a cricket outside tonight, or maybe it's a tree frog, if they have those here. Mom always told me it was probably a tree frog when I thought I heard crickets. Anyway, the air is cooling and things have settled a bit, in a way. There are continual reasons to worry and I can't seem to stop focusing on them. I'm watching The Devil and Daniel Jonhston now and wondering why I can't be so fucking creative when I feel like I'm balancing on the verge of insanity all the time. Maybe that it's it, huh? You have to topple over. And a handful of times I have, or I've begun to. No, that's not true. Even in the times when I've been named crazy I've never really lost myself enough to tell it all, to lay it all out there. There's always reservation. There is always reservation with me. Everytime things seem to go wrong again or make me uncomfortable there's more reservation. Honestly...I think that my release in writing begins and ends there. The more experiences that I have that could inspire the more reservation I build above it. When i think I break the walls down I've already begun to build stronger ones behind it...stronger or weaker, or something too heavy for me to lift. Maybe I really should take time for me. Friendships, affairs, I guess it's time to go back to focusing on me. Yup. That's it.